Play 13 - First Off-Peak Train

On a very crowded train. A woman comes in, Mary, waits for another to move her bag so she can sit. The one already seated, Claire, looks annoyed but moves it anyway. 

Mary: Jesus, really packed today huh?
Claire: Mhmm (looks around for headphones that are in the bag she's currently stuck with on her lap)
Mary: and what weather we're having, eh?
Claire: (fakes a short smile) yup
Mary: I won't bother you
Claire: thanks
....

Mary: Did you...
Claire (takes her headphones off reluctantly) what?
Mary: I was just wondering if you heard about the newest thing over in America
Claire: Trump? Yeah, heard of him
Mary: Yeah, well, I guess everyone has heard of him but it's the latest thing
Claire: Shouldn't waste your time on that orangutan. (puts up headphones again)
Mary: right

...

Claire: (taking off her headphones again) Actually that's not really fair on orangutans but you know what I mean
Mary: yeah
Claire: was it something interesting?
Mary: well you can't really tell what's real these days
Claire: yeah, fake news etc etc
Mary: yeah. But I was wondering how much of it was bullshit before we started calling it fake news
Claire: Alternative facts you mean
Mary: (gets the joke) right! 

...

Claire: I thought you had something to say?
Mary: Oh, well, I've forgotten now I'm afraid. 
Claire: oh. (puts her headphones on again, a bit peeved)
(Mary thinks of what she meant to say finally but sees that she's lost her listener and decides against disturbing her again)

(A man comes in and wolf whistles Claire. She doesn't notice it but Mary does.)

Mary (nudging Claire): What a prick
Claire: excuse me?
Mary: they're everywhere now
Claire (taking her headphones off): what?
Mary: sexists, pervs, it's everywhere. (indicates to the man, who is busy reading something on his phone now)
Claire: what are you on about?
Mary: Don't worry, I've got this

(Mary stands up and walks over to the man. Starts doing a chicken impression aggressively at him. Claire watches with as much bewilderment as the man)

Mary: This is you. A big fucking chicken. 

(Claire starts laughing, the man looks around as to say 'what the fuck?')

Claire: what, have you never seen a chicken on the train before? 
Mary: yeah, this chick clucks back!
Man (to Mary): I wasn't even whistling at you, you crazy bitch
Mary: you're thinking of dogs, I'm doing a chicken
Man: jesus christ lady, get over yourself
Mary (to the whole train): Sisters, if you are tired of being treated like animals will you stand up and do the chicken with me? 
Claire: Hell yes
(they do chicken impressions at each other now, the Man has no idea what the hell is going on)

(The train announcement comes on, the next stop is.... whatever it is. Mary comes over to Claire, high fives her, grabs her bag and exits as the train stops. Claire sticks her tongue out at the man as she sits back down, smiles to herself and puts her headphones back on.)